No one could deliberately plan to be a hypocrite understanding what a hypocrite really is. A hypocrite is a sham---a sham has nothing solid to stand on. No one really respects a sham, and the most intelligent, the most tactful hypocrite that ever lived is nothing but a sham,--- false and a sham!
Beside, no one can manage another by the process of sham and hypocrisy without sooner or later being found out, and when he is found out, all his power is gone.
The trouble with the contrary-minded is they have an established habit of resistance. Sometimes the habit is entirely inherited, and has never been seen or acknowledged. Sometimes it has an inherited foundation, with a cultivated superstructure.
Either way it is a problem for those who have to deal with it,---until they understand. The "contrary method" does not solve the problem; it is only a makeshift; it never does any real work, or accomplishes any real end. It is not even lastingly intelligent.
The first necessity in dealing truly with these people is not to be afraid of their resistances. The second necessity, which is so near the first that the two really belong side by side, is never to meet their resistances with resistances of our own.
If we combat another man's resistance, it only increases his tension. No matter how wrong he may be, and how right we are, meeting resistance with resistance only breeds trouble. Two minds can act and react upon one another in that way until they come to a lock which not only makes lasting enemies of those who should have been and could be always friends, but the contention locks up strain in each man's brain which can never be removed without pain, and a new awakening to the common sense of human intercourse.
If we want a friend to read a book, to go a journey, or to do something which is more important for his own good than either, and we know that to suggest our desire would be to rouse his resistance, the only way is to catch him in the best mood we can, say what we have to say, give our own preference, and at the same time feel and express a willingness to be refused. Every man is a free agent, and we have no right not to respect his freedom, even if he uses that freedom to stand in his own light or in ours. If he is standing in our light and refuses to move, we can move out of his shadow, even though we may have to give up our most cherished desire in order to do so.
If he is standing in his own light, and refuses to move, we can suggest or advise and do whatever in us lies to make the common sense of our opinion clear; but if he still persists in standing in his own light, it is his business, not ours.
It requires the cultivation of a strong will to put a request before a friend which we know will be resisted, and to yield to that resistance so that it meets no antagonism in us. But when it is done, and done thoroughly, consistently, and intelligently, the other man's resistance reacts back upon himself, and he finds himself out as he never could in any other way. Having found himself out, unless his mulishness is almost past sanity, he begins to reject his habit of resistance of his own accord.
Dalam menghadapi pikiran yang bertolak belakang, "metode yang bertentangan" bekerja selama tidak ditemukan; dan bahaya ditemukannya selalu dekat. Metode langsung dan jujur sesuai dengan hukum hubungan manusia yang terhormat, dan pada akhirnya selalu memberikan hasil yang lebih baik, meskipun mungkin ada beberapa kegagalan langsung dalam proses tersebut.
Menyesuaikan diri dengan benar dengan sifat lain dan mengikutinya sampai akhir yang baik, di sepanjang garis perlawanan yang paling sedikit, tentu saja merupakan cara terbaik dari seorang kenalan sejati, tetapi untuk membiarkan diri kita mengelola sesamanya adalah penghinaan terhadap lelaki itu. dan lebih buruk dari penghinaan terhadap pikiran yang bersedia melakukan pengelolaan.
