Setiap kenangan yang ada, seakan terukir begitu dalam dalam ingatanku, meskipun aku tak pernah tahu jika itu akan menjadi sebuah kisah yang pahit bagimu. Waktu yang telah berlalu memisahkan kita, namun bayang-bayang masa lalu kita tetap ada, seolah hidup ini tak pernah benar-benar melepaskan kita satu sama lain.
I used to walk you to school every morning, picking you up at your house even though our homes were in completely opposite directions. I never understood if that was what people call being "bucin" or if I was just being naive back then. We lived in the same world but our paths were different. You lived near the school, while my home was farther from it. But it never bothered me because I was happy to spend time with you, even when the roads seemed longer just to see your smile.
The one thing that stuck with me, even now, is how we grew up together---both coming from families broken in their own ways. Our parents had their own battles, and we somehow found solace in each other's company. But more than anything, it was your grandparents who embraced me as their own, showing me love and kindness that I will never forget.
I never knew, though, that my presence in your life was a wound that still bleeds. I never realized the pain I caused you, and I wish I could turn back time and fix things. It was never my intention to hurt you, and yet, here I am, realizing that I might have been the source of your deepest scars. I can only imagine how much you must have suffered, silently, without me ever truly understanding.
And now, as I reflect on everything, I can't help but feel like I've been selfish. I didn't know I was part of someone else's pain. It's a thought that haunts me, the weight of my actions creeping in, leaving me to question everything.
Sometimes I wonder if the path I've walked was truly fate, or if it was just karma---God's way of teaching me something I failed to understand all along. Did I deserve the hurt I've been through, or was it merely the consequence of what I did to you and to others? I will never know for sure.
But what I do know is this: I never intended to hurt you. I never meant to be a source of sorrow. And for that, I am truly sorry. I hope that life has been kind to you and that, despite everything, you've found peace. Maybe one day, if fate allows, we will both be able to look back at this chapter and find healing in each other's forgiveness.
For now, all I can do is send you my prayers---wishing you happiness, success, and love. I may not be a part of your present, but you'll always have a place in my heart.
"Untuk Seseorang yang Pernah Kusinggahi"
Mungkin,
aku adalah halaman pahit dalam buku hidupmu---
paragraf luka yang tak mudah dihapus waktu.
Maaf, jika dulu aku terlalu gaduh,
terlalu ribut menebar harap,
namun terlalu bisu dalam mencintai dengan benar.
Kita berdua,
pernah berjalan di lorong yang sama,
tapi tak pernah benar-benar sampai di tujuan bersama.
Dan meski kini jalan kita berbeda,
namamu tetap tinggal diam-diam
di ruang kecil paling tenang dalam ingatanku.
