I met my best friend last night; he just broke up with his girlfriend several months ago because the girl asked his plan for their future. He was stoned to the question. In his mind, he had this checklist of things that he compelled to finish before settling down. So deciding not to be the ‘selfish guy’ that holds the girl down for an uncertain amount of time, he let the girl he dated for years go. So maybe, she can start over, finding someone who is more ready than him.
If you have been following me on my previous articles, you will know how I would react to his situation. I WILL FLIP A TABLE! It is a very sad thing to do to a couple. Imagine this. You have been dating for years; adjusting your habits, sharing your life and thoughts, just to finally give up on the logistical issue. Sorry, to me this is a very logistic-al issue. To be clear, it is not about the logic, but the logistic issue.
I fully understand that we all have different approaches in life that will affect us in making decision. But this type of reason is kinda outdated. The list that you guys are trying to achieve is no longer time-relevant and you are just torturing yourself and your partner.
While girls have so many emotional-related reasons of why she cannot marry a guy, usually guy would only have two types of reason; he is not ready for a commitment or secondly, he feels like he does not have all the things he need to set up a family. The second reason is the one we are discussing here. Here is some of the list that most men would like to complete for him to fell ready;
- A stable job, ideally with income higher than the girl.
- A house, ideally located not too far from the couple workplace.
- A good amount of savings for the wedding celebration itself.
- Some of the very forward thinking guy would also list this; saving for the life after the celebration such as money to have some babies.
While guy think these are a very logical way of thinking, I beg to differ. All of the things listed above sourced from an old culture embedded to our lives and communities surrounding us. Things have changed today.
The girl that you are dating now has an access to education. We can read, have a career and take care of the family at the same time. You are not the only thinker anymore in the household. This means, you are not the only hunter providing food for the family, but women too, are hunters today.
I feel a really huge empathy for the guys. While the gender issues are raised in many corner of the world today, changing life of many women; you guys are still stuck with the story of the role of men in the world that is still sound the same with the story of man thousand years ago.
Some may argue, that even holy bibles have proclaimed the role of the man that should be the provider of the family. But hey, these bibles are written ages ago too when the culture is completely different than today. I could imagine God would write it differently too if he can come to this era where woman and men role are quite similar.
I suggest you to ask why often. Why do you have to carry a lot of burden as a guy, even when the situation has changed?