For those who have just experienced a breakup for the first time
Breathe. I know your feel heavy. Just like me, you finally understood what the break-up songs are saying about and the love songs sound illogical to you. It does not even sound real that someone could take a bullet for a person they love. Love, for now, seems to be overrated.
Even though it has been weeks after the breakup, you still constantly feel the pain. It just appears so sudden when you are waking up in the morning or when you are ordering your lunch. The pain hit you on the chest and in the moment you cannot control. Slowly, you realized that this breakup is real.
Would you ever be getting back together?
If you are lucky, your ex-partner would set the line very clear by stating what he or she wants. So then, you can just start your recovery process and moving on with your life. But some of us are not that lucky enough. We are stuck in the lag-period where our partners and us are still confused about the decision. One of us feels like the decision is right, but we might fear about what is coming. Or, we are still keeping the communication with our ex for the sake of having the ‘friendship’. But the real deal is our partner just wants a comfort to have the connection with us, so it is easier for him or her until they are ready to move on.
This breakup scares the hell out of us. Especially, when you are approaching thirty. So we just wish, strongly hope that our partner will come back to us. And we will do whatever we can to get him back. Including lowering our standard; we thought we can be happy by accepting that our partner would never live-up to our expectation. But would you be really happy in a long term with someone that does not like to go travelling when you are born a traveler? Can you really be happy with someone who is so arrogant and not respecting you for who you are?
Believe me, some weeks after the break-up, you will start to see things clearly. Well, maybe not that so clear and logical as what your friends can openly tell you about your past relationship. But you will understand that there are some points in your life that cannot be neglected. If getting back to him would mean that you have to deny yourself, you would not be happy at the end. Let’s be honest. Imagine yourself doing what you like the most and imagine if your partner will be at your side, smiling with you. If this thought would make you happy, then you know that you cannot change your self-core. The real you. So if you think he cannot fulfil that, so maybe he is not the right one.
Is he the one?
I once read a good quote somewhere on my social media saying, “We might have several soulmates in our life. One for every life stages”. So when we are breaking up with our soulmate, it does not mean that he or she was not the one. They are just not the soulmate for the right time. At least, he is not the one for now.
You have been scrolling your tinder profile for several weeks now and no one can be compared to your ex. There might be some cute guy and you got some matches, but going out with any of them seems tiring. When you eventually did go out, you realized that you are just experiencing all of the sweet early stage of attraction. Then you feel bitter; thinking that one day they will just give up and started to stop investing in the relationship. If you are feeling this, let me tell you that I feel it too. Maybe there are billions of people too. But eventually, we will pass this phase.
Time is your friend now. You should give yourself sometime to heal and recover. Take care of yourself and start to be thankful to your support system by loving them back. They are the one that catch you when you were drowning. If you are hungry for love, start to accept that love does not only come in an exclusive package of men and women. It comes in a family pack that consists of the people from your present and past, who did not have the chance to get close to you when you are focusing on one person.
