Whatsoever, life is not a soft as a fleece. This fits into a destiny which God creates for everyone living in this world. For everyone has a certain way and direction to live, some lives enlighten to what the life is called for experiences.
Living is such kind of reaching a definite heading. To live is to learn every single thing existed in this earth; blissfulness, sadness, curiousness, peacefulness, even anything that can not be presumed by human being. The human and a humanity. Both, even someone could not be a part of them, one merely can be a human yet sometimes he can not experience on what and how a humanity is. Dear reader, that's what is being the fact nowadays.
I often talk to my self as if I have two souls in one body, me and my mind. Most often, I share anything hard and sorrow about my life away by muttering silently. Tearing is growing as well as cheering. I create several questions to my self and answer it through my mind.I am mostly curious on what actually God's inclination of my journey. This is a simple inquiry that I convey almost billion times since I have been alive.
Karina: "Dear my life, what is God's sign rendering me and my life into this experiences? Is it so special for me so this seems to be different from my other's circumstances? Merely, I am now having a Daddy as the only one whom I love most in this life."
My mind: "Karina, no one knows what and how God truly wants to glorify your life. As you only have one man who really loves and cares of you, you have to be grateful, fortunately. Life is so screet as the creator. So abstract but you can feel that everything will be back to the end. Your life is not sorrow. Your misery is truthfully your blessedness. This world is not your enternal life. You are only given a chance to harvest much kindness, then you will reap the welfare."
That's the way I communicate with my self. My mind is my mate to share and to tell everything I experience along the day.
***
Dawn, 03.00 a.m. It is awakened hour for me in every morning. This not only for praying as mostly moslems do in the dawn but also for going to work as I always do in almost four years left. Nineteen years living is not feeling blithe as long as I have been alive. Naturally, since my mother was dead because of bad accident four years ago and my daddy got stroke because of mom's death, I am accused to be an independent woman.
Firstly, I would not take the fact that my mom would go forever and never come back. Of course, I surely could not bear my family's need. I am even a single child of my parents. At that time I have to realize that everything changes and must be changed. My daddy, as the one who always works hard to support my education and all about my life as well as my mom, he is flaw now using a wheelchair and he will not be able to do some activities as usual.
In the fifty years of my dad's age, I just want to show him that I am a firm woman who is really responsible for my life and his life. Making him proudful of me without thinking weary and worry become my priority. Everyday, before going to work as a newspaper dilivery girl of Kedaulatan Rakyat Agent Company, that's actually my daddy's job before getting trouble, I get near to daddy's bed which in the left side a wheelchair is located.
Blank paper, yeah, this tool is such a media for communicating with him. My daddy's condition is too apprehensive to concern. His left body is totally dead so he is just able to function the right side of his body to do anything, including to speak with me by writing. Dear reader, writing is merely I could do to speak in silent words with my dearly daddy. That's what I can only do to deliver what on my mind, my heart and all events that I am going to share with him. These seem to be two people living in the distance place and writing message can be a media for them in communication but in fact they are in the closest area, in one house. That sounds unique and romantic, isn't it?.
