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Rijo Tobing
Rijo Tobing Mohon Tunggu... Novelis

Penulis buku kumpulan cerpen "Randomness Inside My Head" (2016) dan novel "Bond" (2018) dalam bahasa Inggris. Buku dapat diperoleh di Gramedia, Periplus, dan Kinokuniya.



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Why Do You Stay Single?

21 Oktober 2017   10:55 Diperbarui: 21 Oktober 2017   10:57 668 0 0 Mohon Tunggu...

"Why do you stay single?"

Nosy society

This is one of the most intimidating questions existing on planet earth. This kind of question piques people's curiosity regardless whatever the answers are. And a single answer will be followed by bombarded sequential questions. Why, why, and why? People are just never tired of being curious. Being single starts to feel like social "curse" when one is in their late 20s or early 30s. Especially in Indonesia where one's issue is everybody's issue, and where family (and other social groups) gatherings are common and often. 

The question pops up too many times. Why do you stay single? You're smart (or rich, or educated, or whatever), but why can't you find someone to be with? As if to get into a relationship is the easiest thing to do. And if one doesn't give straight answer why he is still single, people around him will make up the answers for him. You shouldn't be too choosy; nobody's perfect. You should go out and make new friends. You might find a spouse from one of those new communities you're entering. Do you want me to introduce you to someone? What's your criteria? One might smile at these naggings, or exit the social groups altogether to keep some inner peace.

The Concept of Having to Find THE ONE

This is one-million-dollar question that intrigues me since I was a teenager. Is spouse predestined or a result of choice? I've read and observed in many cultures that predestination is used for the base of marriage. Two people meet and get married because they're predestined for each other; because they're meant to be with each other. 

Confusion arises when divorce and death happen. Can there be one or more persons predestined for one person? The Greek says about man trying his whole life to find his other half, who's separated from him due to the wrath of the gods. Other cultures say about our soulmate is engraved on the palm lines of our hand. Human ages and skin wrinkles. I can say that a soulmate claim based on palm lines is a bit invalid.

These dogmas lead human to always try to find THE ONE. The one that's a part of him; the one who will complete him; the one who is a perfect match for him. And if that ONE hasn't been found yet, what does it mean? Should he be looking in another place? Should he be waiting a little bit longer (until when)? Should he just give up the idea of finding that ONE?

But what if THE ONE is not predestined but chosen by the people involved in a relationship? Man chooses to be with someone despite of (or because of, or whatever) something. This will explain when break-up happens along the way. The people just choose not to be together any longer (be it in a dating or a married relationship).

 I'm more inclined to say that marriage is a result of choice, instead of predestination. It is a hard work that one commits to, that man will undergo until death separates him and his spouse. This means he's completely aware of what he's getting into, of what kind of ups and downs he'll be experiencing, and of how to manage his expectations.

Difference and Uncertainty

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