It was around 2014 when I first started to realize how I do not want to be like most of the women in my home country: finish education, have a bit career, get married at ca. 25, have children, be a full time mother. It was later by the beginning of 2017, after almost a year in a serious monogamy relationship, that I was sure of it: hell with society, women have options.Â
I believe that I am free to choose whether to marry or not, to have kids or not, and still be complete. Until the time I wrote this, I have been living together with my 5-years-partner for almost a year, unmarried yet, and with joint decision not to have children.
I can speak for myself of why I decided to be childfree:
1. I don't and can't see myself pregnant. Just like, eww. Always thinking of an alien/a monster growing in my body, taking all of my good vitamins/energies. Not to mention the giving birth. And having postpartum body which most likely not gonna recover. For sure, I will be old and ugly one day, but I'm not willing to be old and ugly earlier. I like being slim. I've been doing cardio and swimming routinely to maintain my ideal weight. And I love this body way too much to not give it up for a kid. Just imagine how I would not be willing to eat more for the sake of the baby, how awful that would be for him/her.
2. I grew up poor. Now that I earn much more enough money, I want to finally spoil me. I've had enough not getting what I wanted because my parents were poor and have three other younger children besides me.
3. Being a parent means I have to be selfless, and I believe I can't. And my current partner doesn't have the same ideology on raising kids as me, which would only cause more conflicts between us, which means negative atmosphere for the children. This came also from my experience as a kid and teenager with almost-always-fighting parents in the past. Maybe it is a trauma?
4. Reason number 1 doesn't exactly mean that I don't want/like kids at all. I'm actually kinda open for adoption. But for now, back to reason number 2. Also, my current partner doesn't want adopted kid.
Human thoughts and beliefs are fluid; people change. Having written all those above, I'm not denying that, perhaps someday, I would change my decision. Or it could be already late when I regret my decision. But, even so, the only person experiencing the loss would be only me. Still much better than regretting having kids later, what would happen to their well being?
