When I Decide

With the rest of the energy I have, I decide to do everything for reaching my goals. Last morning I recreated my current goals, after all the bad stuff come to me repeatedly. 

I took a lot of time to collect my energy and my spirit to face the world again. Feeling empty, feeling afraid of everything, and so on. 

I even hide myself from social media. All the things happen because a reason and I believe that, I take a lesson from that, and now I realize. I almost lost myself. I almost lost my control. 

For everything I did, I am sincere for that. Maybe this is the way that God chooses to me. I should forgive everything that hurts me, I must deal with at all. 

Therefore, I can enjoy the rest of my life with sincerity, kindness, and blessings. The new happiness, the new hello are waiting for me. Hello new!

And that day, I started to touch my friend through message for asking about their health, kinda small talk. I was terrified there would not be a response. But that's ok. I must be patient. Who am I? 

Why should all people be kind anymore to me? That's ok I just deal with everything. It will make me be stronger. For several hours, I got a message, yes, she replied my message with enthusiastically. 

It was surprisingly. After doing a chit-chat, I and her made a deal to meet. Feeling grateful for having people who still care for me, there are my family and my friends. It strengthen me to face the world. Yeash, though  I was crying in blue first, crying a lot, feeling deeply for all these pain. I must take a heal, for my mental health.

I opened up my diaries, i re-read, and it brought me to the old memory, how worthy I was, how worthy they were, how kind God to me. He still gives a chance even I am so far away from him. 

I started to write again in that book, continuing my feeling story, writing is a media for me when I can't speak to people, I just speak to myself only, and I write then. My feeling was better after writing it. Sometimes I draw anything, it is also can heal me for a while. Or I will sleep to let it go everything bad that happens to me.

So for you, whoever who read this one. Please be happy, don't worry about the future, people hurting, people disappointing, people lying, etc. just go out and meet with so many people. Because everyone you meet, they have a unique, different, and sometimes inspirative story. Have a look around you, you are loved. 

God loves you. Cheers!!