It seems everyone you know is paired off. So how come you're still single? There are lots of possible reasons. Here are 12 biggies from Dr. Amir Levine, a psychiatrist in New York City and the co-author of
You Play Hard to Get
Do you pretend to be busy when asked out? Pretend not to care when you really do? Playing hard to get makes it hard to find Mr./Ms. Right. In fact, it's likely to attract just the sort of person who will make you unhappy: someone who doesn't feel comfortable being close.Â
Better always to be authentic.
You Fall for Gender Stereotypes
Men fear commitment? Women are needy? Not necessarily. When it comes to relationships, people fall into one of three basic categories. "Secure" people are warm and loving and feel comfortable with intimacy. "Anxious" people seek closeness but worry their love won't be reciprocated. "Avoidant" people shun intimacy, valuing independence above all. And studies show most people are "secure."Â
Says Dr. Levine, "Most men and women really do want a close, committed relationship and won't act overly needy or try to push you away."
You're Fixated on Your Ex
Idealizing an old mate makes it hard to find a new one.Â
This is a particular problem for "avoidant" people: Uncomfortable with intimacy, they push their partner away. But once the relationship ends, their love resurfaces and they convince themselves that the failed relationship had been terrific. Then they compare every new person they meet to their idealized ex. Who can live up to that ideal?
